Below are 6 very funny and true life lessons to be learned that I’ve received via email. Jokes aside, the insight gained is valuable to everyone and I somehow don’t think you’ll regret reading them.
Lesson 1: Naked Wife
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…
“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the admin. clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 3
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Lesson 5: Power of Charisma
A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
*EXTRA* Lesson 7: Popularity can be harmful (by Digg user outhouseinput )
A man decides to write a funny and informative collection of stories meant to drive home some interesting life lessons. While he was writing them, his wife came by and asked what he was doing. He explained to her that he wanted to send his friends something interesting to chat about at work the next day. His wife advised him to post it on an internet blog for fun. The husband took her advice, but negligently set up his own server without properly analyzing the potential for an instantaneous burst of Digg traffic. The site, therefore, went down in flames hosting a few paragraphs of text.
Moral of the story:
Don’t listen to your wife.
Friday 31 July 2009
Thursday 9 July 2009
Pain...
Pain falls and I clutch at my umbrella, It wipes the streets void of impurities of happiness.
I watch the colors of anguish and their beauty transcends me, fills my black heart with sorrow.
I step in puddles of torn souls and my feet drenched with tears of past regrets and spent moments..
All the clouds Cry every one a gift of Depression, every rain drop my tender child that I drink of.
Antiquity is the founder of the sun, it rises behind the hills and looks upon the damp streets finds a voice to disquiet the taste of anxiety..
I tear my eyes from the light its too bright I will let my friends hold the Ra god in their hearts this is not a place my soul knows well not a place or home I will dwell long..
I turn Cloak black and billowing in the storm that brews, I walk into the Colors of night all around me a tornado of demons clutch at my skin and drag me into the heart of them.....
I rise into the sky a pillar of woe and I wonder if all the World can see the wind of change...
I am the coming of a new dawn, Hate consumes me I am a moth in binding lest not be born of the night for surly my wings will stretch far and deep and wide over all that I deem to be seditious.
I am Reborn....
The wings that unfold dead...
A life spent...
All the butterflies weep for the moth.
My umbrella on the ground the pain dried upon its thin texture, as I fly into the sun and burn my wings of sorrow into death.
IMPERFECT WORLD WE LIVE IN
almost every day i awake to the news of some tragedy or another, some war or another and some death or another.
does it affect me?? yes i suppose in some ways it does, because i see any death of some one younger than myself as not only tragic but also scary.
so why scary i hear you ask?? well the thing is as i get older and weaker it scares me to think that others i considered to be healthier or fitter than i am has died, so you see it is quite scary in that effect, but then i think how lucky i am for having the half century or so that i have had, when so many billions have never had the chance to see the world that i have seen, and how dramatically it has changed in the short time that i have lived on the planet, i have witnessed the first man in space, first man on the moon, televisions, sattelite navigation systems, video recorders, computers, dvd players, mobile cell phones, supermarkets, the continueing development of all things modern, planetery destruction, deforestation, global warming, extinction of thousands of plant, animal, fish and insect species and all in just 5 decades.
i have witnessed the miracle of childbirth many times, and all this is just the tip of the iceberg.
last night i lay awake and in pain the whole night because my morphine medication failed me yet again and i wonder how much longer i have, or how much more pain i will have to endure until i either die or the doctors find a way of making the pain go away, of course i would much prefer the latter of the two as i am still a relatively young man who can still do much good on this planet, given the chance to.
just a few rambling thoughts that have passed through my head i hope that you don't mind me sharing them with you all.
peace to all in thoughtsland
one love
does it affect me?? yes i suppose in some ways it does, because i see any death of some one younger than myself as not only tragic but also scary.
so why scary i hear you ask?? well the thing is as i get older and weaker it scares me to think that others i considered to be healthier or fitter than i am has died, so you see it is quite scary in that effect, but then i think how lucky i am for having the half century or so that i have had, when so many billions have never had the chance to see the world that i have seen, and how dramatically it has changed in the short time that i have lived on the planet, i have witnessed the first man in space, first man on the moon, televisions, sattelite navigation systems, video recorders, computers, dvd players, mobile cell phones, supermarkets, the continueing development of all things modern, planetery destruction, deforestation, global warming, extinction of thousands of plant, animal, fish and insect species and all in just 5 decades.
i have witnessed the miracle of childbirth many times, and all this is just the tip of the iceberg.
last night i lay awake and in pain the whole night because my morphine medication failed me yet again and i wonder how much longer i have, or how much more pain i will have to endure until i either die or the doctors find a way of making the pain go away, of course i would much prefer the latter of the two as i am still a relatively young man who can still do much good on this planet, given the chance to.
just a few rambling thoughts that have passed through my head i hope that you don't mind me sharing them with you all.
peace to all in thoughtsland
one love
said it before and will say it again...
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." --- Winnie the Pooh
"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost." ---Charles Caleb Colton
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
"Friendship is one mind in two bodies." ---Mencius
"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
"If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend." ---Stone Temple Pilots
"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay." ---Dave Matthew's band
"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them. I'd be at the bottom to catch them."
"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say."
"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere." --- Tim McGraw
"My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life." ---Lee Iacocca
"Hold a true friend with both your hands." ---Nigerian Proverb
"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." ---unknown
"In our daily lives, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us happy."
"Hold a true friend with both your hands." ---Nigerian Proverb
"I get by with a little help from my friends." The Beatles ;-)
"If you walk in front of me, I may not follow.
If you walk behind me, I may not lead.
If you Walk beside me, I will be your friend." ---Albert Camus
"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost." ---Charles Caleb Colton
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
"Friendship is one mind in two bodies." ---Mencius
"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
"If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend." ---Stone Temple Pilots
"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay." ---Dave Matthew's band
"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them. I'd be at the bottom to catch them."
"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say."
"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere." --- Tim McGraw
"My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life." ---Lee Iacocca
"Hold a true friend with both your hands." ---Nigerian Proverb
"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." ---unknown
"In our daily lives, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us happy."
"Hold a true friend with both your hands." ---Nigerian Proverb
"I get by with a little help from my friends." The Beatles ;-)
"If you walk in front of me, I may not follow.
If you walk behind me, I may not lead.
If you Walk beside me, I will be your friend." ---Albert Camus
we are what we are.
As I've watched the latest Thoughts drama unfold, I've been a little surprised at certain reactions. But that's to be expected.
A rainbow is known for its colors..
On the one hand, those of us who are devout and true to our writing as more than just a therapeutic outlet but as a craft have taken this situation more seriously. We see credibility and originality as two of our most hallowed possessions. So when we find that someone has broken one of these (often unspoken) laws, we take up arms and fight courageously to defend the honor of writing as a beloved artform.
Imagine if an artist walked up and spat on the Mona Lisa. -- You might get the same kind of reaction from the art world.
Others though, are not quite so strongly attached to their writing or that of others. To them, this is merely a person who is a friend, beloved and fallible. They write because they feel like it.. but perhaps not because they are "writers" by nature. It's easy for them to look past the offense that seems small compared to what others do on a daily basis and for them, those of us who have taken grave offense to the situation are over-reacting and even possibly being "hateful".
Then there are those that are straddling the fence, closely followed by all who simply don't give a damn. The fence straddlers tend to be true writers or true intellects who can see that a transgression has been committed but also realize that the person who committed the offense has been a friend to many here and therefore has every reason and every right to be forgiven and removed from the public hot seat.
To all of you, I say this:
Right on.
Why? Because although I am one of the staunch defenders of my moral code and my craft as a writer, I also realize that not everyone is me. We don't all feel that a crime against writers and writing everywhere has been committed by one of our most respected members here. Not everyone will see that while his offense may not have been large when compared to say, "Smitty41", it does give insight into his character and therefore those of us who hold character in high regard will be saddened and even angered at the way that the person has conducted themselves as of late.
Similarly, those of us who are avid writers will have a difficult time understanding that many of the accused's friends simply do not see his actions as unforgivable or inexcusable. For them, he is a dear friend, loved unconditionally and accepted as is. They will defend him without question, support him without fail and believe in him regardless of the facts. Love truly does cover over a multitude of sins.
So it is with absolute sincerity that I commend all of you. If you have loved and encouraged and supported this person, I commend you for that. It is honorable and it is a testiment to your loyalty, which is one of the most beautiful qualities that a person can possess. Indeed, he is fortunate to call you friends and gratefully, I'm fortunate enough to share that same title with many of you. You are beautiful souls.
To those of you who have stood up for your moral beliefs, the honor of your craft and the honor of writers everywhere, I commend you as well and salute your willingness to remain true to your beliefs even when they are not the most popular ones. Even if they will cause some people to think that you're a "bad person" or a "bad friend". Authenticity and originality are well worth defending and well worth fighting for. You have my admiration.
To those of you who are on the fence, bless you for being undivided by this latest blow to our sense of community well-being. It is not always easy to just let bygones be.. but you are the type of people that make it possible for the rest of us to be understood and loved even when we are the ones in question. Balance is beauty.. and you are beautiful.
And to those of you who simply don't give a damn.. sorry about all of the fuss. ;)
Happy blogging, folks.
A rainbow is known for its colors..
On the one hand, those of us who are devout and true to our writing as more than just a therapeutic outlet but as a craft have taken this situation more seriously. We see credibility and originality as two of our most hallowed possessions. So when we find that someone has broken one of these (often unspoken) laws, we take up arms and fight courageously to defend the honor of writing as a beloved artform.
Imagine if an artist walked up and spat on the Mona Lisa. -- You might get the same kind of reaction from the art world.
Others though, are not quite so strongly attached to their writing or that of others. To them, this is merely a person who is a friend, beloved and fallible. They write because they feel like it.. but perhaps not because they are "writers" by nature. It's easy for them to look past the offense that seems small compared to what others do on a daily basis and for them, those of us who have taken grave offense to the situation are over-reacting and even possibly being "hateful".
Then there are those that are straddling the fence, closely followed by all who simply don't give a damn. The fence straddlers tend to be true writers or true intellects who can see that a transgression has been committed but also realize that the person who committed the offense has been a friend to many here and therefore has every reason and every right to be forgiven and removed from the public hot seat.
To all of you, I say this:
Right on.
Why? Because although I am one of the staunch defenders of my moral code and my craft as a writer, I also realize that not everyone is me. We don't all feel that a crime against writers and writing everywhere has been committed by one of our most respected members here. Not everyone will see that while his offense may not have been large when compared to say, "Smitty41", it does give insight into his character and therefore those of us who hold character in high regard will be saddened and even angered at the way that the person has conducted themselves as of late.
Similarly, those of us who are avid writers will have a difficult time understanding that many of the accused's friends simply do not see his actions as unforgivable or inexcusable. For them, he is a dear friend, loved unconditionally and accepted as is. They will defend him without question, support him without fail and believe in him regardless of the facts. Love truly does cover over a multitude of sins.
So it is with absolute sincerity that I commend all of you. If you have loved and encouraged and supported this person, I commend you for that. It is honorable and it is a testiment to your loyalty, which is one of the most beautiful qualities that a person can possess. Indeed, he is fortunate to call you friends and gratefully, I'm fortunate enough to share that same title with many of you. You are beautiful souls.
To those of you who have stood up for your moral beliefs, the honor of your craft and the honor of writers everywhere, I commend you as well and salute your willingness to remain true to your beliefs even when they are not the most popular ones. Even if they will cause some people to think that you're a "bad person" or a "bad friend". Authenticity and originality are well worth defending and well worth fighting for. You have my admiration.
To those of you who are on the fence, bless you for being undivided by this latest blow to our sense of community well-being. It is not always easy to just let bygones be.. but you are the type of people that make it possible for the rest of us to be understood and loved even when we are the ones in question. Balance is beauty.. and you are beautiful.
And to those of you who simply don't give a damn.. sorry about all of the fuss. ;)
Happy blogging, folks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
